Dead White Germans

I am in the library, pretending to myself that.. with my final of the exam of the year tomorrow.. that I am revising. But I'm not revising. I am coming to the conclusion that I am not going to do so well in this exam, and I am thinking.
So, if I can just get what I am thinking about down onto this screen, maybe I can stop thinking about it and start thinking about Karl Marx and Max Weber. Dead White Germans.
You know, Karl Marx was a middle class white man, with (female) servants that he used to fuck, and he was writing about  the class struggle and how the (male) workers would revolt and overturn capitalism? I want to write about the hypocrisy and misogyny of that. It isn't the point, I know, but I'd still like to say it.

That is a thought that has been buzzing around my head for about 6 months, but it isn't really whats on my mind today. I have been thinking about how difficult for me it is to separate my heart from my body, and whether I should even try. My mind says, that I don't like monogamy as an ideal. My pussy (oh, if she could really speak) says 'I want to fuck him, and him, and her, and him' but my heart, I don't know.
As an adulteress, pursuing sexual relationships outside of the home, I don't want to have any kind of 'mirror' relationship with the one I have inside of the home. I don't want cosy nights in, or a 'boyfriend' who just happens to want the same things in bed as I do, that is happy to 'let' me screw other people on the nights I'm not seeing him, but on the other hand I don't want anonymous fucks with people I wouldn't like to go out to dinner with, where the only time I ever see them or talk to them is in a hotel bedroom.
I haven't seen W since that text conversation we had and I can't say that things have really improved a great deal in that situation. He's gone now, for a week, to go and watch football in a strange country. He didn't sound much like he wanted to go. Anyway, I sent him a link, last night, to something that I thought might make him laugh and he sent a message back, saying he missed me. And I cried. Because I miss him too. Or maybe because I have PMT, who knows?

* finds tissues, drinks juice*

This isn't what I wanted. I just wanted to have some nice nasty sex (failed there too, so far!) with someone I found attractive and who made me laugh. I'm not going to fall in love with this man. I know that it's alright to miss people, without it meaning anything major.
Anyway, now that these exams are almost out of the way, my social life is looking up again and I'm hopefully going to spend more time with one or two potential new friends this week. Hopefully, it i has been more the social isolation of  being tied to my books that has been putting these thoughts in my head.
Wish me luck, interwebz.