I have insomnia and I am totally going to fail at life if this carries on. Although, sitting up watching The Office on netflix at 2.30am has it's charms, it doesn't feel so good at 8am dealing with breakfasts and children's TV shows. It feels bad. And it feels bad until about 4pm when I get my second wind and I'm good for another 12 hours. Fucking horrible.
I don't know what it is really, I just feel a little bit... blocked.
Living and sharing a bed with someone when you do not have sex with them is not the end of the world, by any means. When you've been with someone for 12 years, had a kid together, vote the same way and still laugh at the same stuff - for me anyway, it is a perfectly tolerable situation. I mean, Mr G is very comfortable to be around and I don't feel any negativity towards this someone that I've grown into happy sibling-like companionship with. I know from the interwebs that lots of people don't feel that way about their relationships - feel like a marriage with no sex is no marriage at all - and I have a degree of empathy with this point of view. Now, Mr G and I are not married and never will be, but I have never thought that it is my duty within a relationship (or his, for that matter) to provide sex. Human relationships are made up of all kinds of things, after all.
But where it is hard, really bloody difficult actually, is when you think to yourself... Goddamn, I could really do with a nice hard spanking and some sex and then I would sleep - I know I would sleep... And you can think of two or three potential candidates. But you are not in their bed. You are in bed with a man who thinks that spanking and BDSM are a bit sick and unhealthy to be honest, a man who probably would have sex if you wanted to have sex with a friend that was gentle and fairly unmoving, and therefore, you will be having neither sex nor spanking and probably no sleep till the sun starts peeking over the horizon and the birds start singing their tuneful song about being awake in 4 hours time to make breakfast.
Oh well. This too shall pass.
I miss sharing space with my ex husband but so happy my sex life is so much better.
ReplyDeleteWell, I have to confess that reading your blog I am a bit envious of the sex you get to have. I think I would be happy if I were single, I guess I'm not at a point in my life where I'm willing to put all the people through all the unhappiness to get to that point, you know? Because we are happy, otherwise :)
ReplyDeleteIt's tough isn't it. I've certainly been where you are in the past, although maybe not quite so 'happy'. And I agree about the sex and duty thing. I've never and still don't, and never will, view it as 'my duty'.
ReplyDeleteDee x
Tough, but best not to complain too much :) I feel very priviledged, generally.
ReplyDeleteI hope the insomnia passes...
ReplyDeleteI know I am likely one of those ppl you are referring to, sex in any relationship is sure complicated. Especially a marriage or a long term relationship.
You are :) But I like your take on it - I think as long as the couple in question have similar expectations, its all good. Whether it be 4 times a week or never :D
ReplyDeleteI guess the problems really lie when one partner thinks it's totally necessary and the other thinks it's totally not.